After my brush with failure in the dining room, I go back to my room and try to sleep. Unfortunately, not only is the bed tiny, but the room is hot, and cigarette smoke is wafting in from somewhere.
Note: If you are getting the impression that I am a sleep hypchondriac, that's not exactly true. To quote my friend Gerry "I just need laboratory conditions to sleep."
I nod off till 2:30 am. My roomate is hacking and wheezing. I get up and go to the deck seats on the back of the boat. It's just me and a very attractive woman who is talking on her cell phone. I sit at the opposite end of the row she's in. She finishes with her phone and gestures for me to come over. Bingo.
She says she speaks Russian and German. However, she knows a few choice phrases in English, including those that every guy longs to hear:
"For tonight, only."
"You look like Bruce Willis."
She finishes a cigarette and throws the butt overboard.
She lights another one.
I ask her for one. She lights mine.
Then she throws the lighter overboard.
I point to her and say, "Whisky, whisky?"
She gestures for me to stay in my seat and she walks inside.
She emerges with two Cokes and two cups with ice. Then she pulls out two nip-sized bottles of Johnny Walker Black and empties one into my glass. I add Coke. She does the same with her cup. Then she throws the scotch bottles overboard. She sucks down her drink and produces two more scotch nips from her bag.
As we drink, her English improves.
It turns out she knows a few more choice phrases that I misread:
"F#&! the money" (initially, I think, hmmm, may be she prefers quirky, interesting guys as opposed to who buy her lots of stuff. My kind of girl)
"F#&! you" This one she emphasizes with two middle fingers and points overboard.
Here is a brief summary of what transpires over the next 3 hours:
- She talks non-stop in Russian with some German thrown in. (Her favorite German word is "Sheisse." Sometimes she is talking to me. Sometimes she is talking at me. Sometimes she is talking to someone else that I can't see.)
- Periodically, she rubs up against me like a cat.
- Her moods swing from dancing, singing, and throwing things overboard to quiet and brooding.
- At one point we are in an embrace and I try to nibble on her ear. She turns away.
It is now 5:30 and I'm finally getting tired. In fact, I'm more tired than if we had spent the last 3 hours in adult situations. I tell her I'm going to bed and attempt to kiss her on the mouth. She offers her cheek. I give a light punch on the shoulder and say "nice meeting you buckaroo."
Note 1: This is a good time to introduce my "fish" theory of some men are attracted to certain types of women.
- Fish are not attracted to bait that is stable and swimming smoothly through the water.
- Fish are attracted to bait that is swimming erratically
- When it comes to women, I'm a lot like a fish.
Note 2: I asked two German guys who worked at a windsurfing center what "Sheisse" means. There is a long pause. The the younger finally blurts out "it means 'f#&!"