Self-promotion and publishing tips for writers, international travel stories for those who hate travel, NC-17 erotica and erotic humor, and lots of useless relationship advice.
I) Give yourself one point for each item that applies.
1) You can tolerate boredom:
- After sex
- After lithium
- Fuck you.
2) Nesting instincts:
- I have no furniture.
- I have college furniture.
- I once went to Crate and Barrel for a free wine and cheese reception.
3) Your girflfriend asks you to get a video for her preschool daughter's birthday party. You choose:
- Borat
- Death Wish
- Last Tango in Paris
4) You miss your ex most when:
- Eating alone
- Watching a movie alone
- Paying the mortgage alone
5) If a significant other says "no" to sex, you:
- Take her to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Take her college-aged daughter to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.
6) Last relationship failed because:
- You forgot her birthday.
- You forgot her phone number.
- You forgot her name.
7) It's your anniversary and she is expecting something special, so you:
- Go drinking with the boys
- Go skiing with the boys
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.
8) How well do you understand women?
- When a woman says "no," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "let go of my throat, you're hurting me," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "get out now or I'm calling the police," she
means "feel my breasts."
II) Scoring
- One to three: Clueless
- Three to six: Hopeless
- Six or more: Dangerous
Enjoy this quiz? Consider"The Loneliest Planet: The Handbook for the Chronically Single" ($8 print, $1.00 PDF)
