Are Men Doomed?

Here are three books predicting the end of men as we know it. Guys: Time to kiss your furry butts good bye.

Some contributing factors:
- Changing nature of work: Construction and manufacturing jobs -- high paying jobs that require physical strength are disappearing.
- Changing nature of work party II: Rise of marketing and media jobs. Assuming women do most of the shopping, who better to market to them? Other women.
-  Women don't need a man to get pregnant.
- Adolescence lasting into the thirties. (Can't remember why this affects men more than women.)

Results:
- Women who don't want to marry down, end up marrying late or not at all.
- Average age of marriage in spiking: In Asia it's 32.
- Divorce rates up, birth rates decreasing.
- In some countries, men are importing wives from impoverished countries
- The world is going to hell!
 

Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys
I read most of this one. A nice job.

The End of Men
(This links to a review in the WSJ. I read the review: Disturbing, if you're a guy -- we're done for.)

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks
Written by comedian Adam Carolla.
"It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys.  What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.  Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back."

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The Online Date that Went a Little too Well

A little erotic humor, humorous erotica.


(Recorded live at the Somerville Library in Massachusetts
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For more live performances:
- The Day I Almost Became Gay
- Why I’m Over 40 and Still Single



Similar stories can be found under labels for funny sex, vibrator, what men want in women, online dating.

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The Day I Almost Became Gay (erotic humor, humorous erotica)

<<For a more current video version of this story -- one in which author isn't wearing a hand cast -- click here. >>





(Another funny sex story recorded live at the Somerville Public Library)
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For another funny sex story, check out:

"BDSM for Dummies"

Here's what the critics had to say about "BDSM for Dummies":
"Offensive."
"Pathetic."
"Is this some kind of cry for help?"

BDSM for Dummies

Content warnings: faux Quaaludes, flying panties, misplaced rug lint.

More stories:
- The Day I Almost Became Gay

- The Online Date that Went a Little too Well 

- Quiz: Are you marriage material?

For similar stories see tags for erotic humor, humorous erotica

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Find Your Match: The 5 Romantic Personalities

A Dating Personality Quiz: How to Find Love

1) Martyrs
- Feel everything intensely, especially love, rejection, and Red Sox playoff losses.
- Claim to know what they want in a mate; say smug things like "I won't settle."
- Spend most Saturday nights alone.
- Cry at crapola love stories like The Bridges of Madison County.
- Capable of great happiness when involved and great bitterness when single.
- Examples: Jackson Browne, Vincent Van Gogh, Billie Joe McAllister.
- Favorite quote: "My heart is your piñata."

2) Settlers
- Martyrs who marry suddenly because of an external event like a scary health problem, a milestone birthday, or an aging parent who wants to see them hooked up.
- Husbands are often happy with this arrangement. -Wives often seek divorce after children leave for college. - Examples: Too many to list.
- Favorite quote: "I'll have the baked chicken, no skin, butter, salt, oil, or bread crumbs. And a glass of water with no ice."

3) Mercenaries
- Approach love as if it were just another transaction, to-do item, or mission.
- Emotionally detached with flat, even moods.
- Tend to be content instead of happy.
- Examples: Ted Bundy, Dirty Harry, Angelina Jolie.
- Favorite quote: "Kill them all and let God sort them out."

4) Bonders
- Born with good brain chemistry.
- Can connect with most anyone and be happy in most situations.
- Are good as friends, but boring as lovers.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
- Examples: Anyone married for more than three years.
- Favorite quote: "Let a smile be your umbrella on a rainy day."

5) Barnacles
- Don’t have the stomach for dating.
- Always in a relationship.
- A bad choice for spouseless vacations because without a partner they glom on to you.
- Examples: Zsa Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor, Mickey Rooney, and other people married at least eight times.
- Favorite quote: "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."

For a more probing look into your psyche, see "Are You Marriage Material?"

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Self Test #1: Are You Marriage Material?

Will you spend your life alone? 

I) Give yourself one point for each item that applies.

1) You can tolerate boredom:

- After sex
- After lithium
- Fuck you.

2) Nesting instincts:

- I have no furniture.
- I have college furniture.
- I once went to Crate and Barrel for a free wine and cheese reception.

3) Your girflfriend asks you to get a video for her preschool daughter's birthday party. You choose:

- Borat
- Death Wish
- Last Tango in Paris

4) You miss your ex most when:

- Eating alone
- Watching a movie alone
- Paying the mortgage alone

5) If a significant other says "no" to sex, you:

- Take her to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Take her college-aged daughter to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.

6) Last relationship failed because:

- You forgot her birthday.
- You forgot her phone number.
- You forgot her name.

7) It's your anniversary and she is expecting something special, so you:

- Go drinking with the boys
- Go skiing with the boys
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.

8) How well do you understand women?

- When a woman says "no," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "let go of my throat, you're hurting me," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "get out now or I'm calling the police," she
means "feel my breasts."

II) Scoring

- One to three: Clueless
- Three to six: Hopeless
- Six or more: Dangerous

Enjoy this quiz? Consider "The Loneliest Planet: The Handbook for the Chronically Single" ($8 print, $1.00 PDF)

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Trip to Revelstoke, B.C.

1) Leaving Boston:
The slippery cab driver and the Delta surprise.

2) Still Leaving Boston:
Who said Canadians are nice?

3) A Dear Greyhound Letter:
A six-hour trans-Canada bus ride, frisked by a frisky woman with short hair and big biceps.

4) Scoring Weed, Dead Skiers,
and the Ski Hill with 5,620 feet of Vertical.

5) The North Bowl,
The Hound, Rods and Guns.

6) Local Talent:
"Will you marry me," I asked after my second double.

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One Day at the Massage Parlor

Live performance of "One Day the Massage Parlor"

Phnom Penh is known for having masseuses with wandering hands. In the interest of journalism, I decided to investigate this claim. I would go incognito as a guy from Boston who hasn't gotten so much as a kiss since August.

The word on the street is that the girls with curious hands tend to work at massage parlors that look more like strip joints than health spas. Also, the spas tend to offer other male oriented services like haircuts.

Note: This whole process kind of scared me. I didn't want to get mugged, ripped off, or otherwise in some kind of situation I couldn't get myself out of. In addition, I had never been to a place like this, so I did not know the proper etiquette. If the woman grabs your unit and you're not interested what do you do? Does her pimp appear and beat you? Worse still, what if she doesn't grab the unit?

Not Too Hot, Not Too Cold, Just Right

The first night, I walked around looking for seedy places near my hotel. There were a couple of massage joints down dark alleys or with unattractive women working at the door. I passed.

The next day, I saw a couple of places on the river front that looked clean -- too clean. They looked family-oriented. For my research, I needed male-oriented. Then I saw a promising place: there were some attractive women standing and smiling at the door. The place looked clean from the outside. Then I looked at the name "TITI Romantic Massage." Paydirt.

I went inside. Naturally, they spoke very little English. I pointed to one of them and asked: "Will you be doing my massage?" I guess she understood, because the next thing I knew, I was seated and she was washing my feet. (The Thais have a thing about dirty feet; maybe all South East Asians feel the same about feet. Mine were certainly stinky.)

Then she led me upstairs to the massage boudoir. There was a British guy who was leaving prematurely. I asked what happened. He said the masseuses used oil and he was allergic to oil. They didn't understand but he gave them a nice tip and he left. The room was all light red materials, soft lighting; like the backdrop for a softporn movie. Each little massage area was separated by a curtain, kind of like an emergency room with multiple stations only inches from each other. The only difference here, was that instead of gurneys, there were mattresses.

Then she motioned for me to lie down on the mattress and for me to remove my shorts. I forgot that I was wearing a bathing suit -- and no underwear. I ended up flashing her. She was unphased, but I was mortified. I was waiting for the pimp to come out with the Taser from behind curtain number two and zap me. I made sure to put my shorts with my money near my head where I could keep track of them. Then she motioned for me to lie on my back and she proceeded with the massage, starting at my feet and working her way up my calves, knees, thighs, dangerously close to the goods. Then she stopped and switched legs. Then she motioned for me to roll over on my stomach. Same procedure. Then our time was up. The massage costed $6. I gave her $9. Everyone behaved and parted company. I even got invited back.

Read more naughty FREE stuff, including the first 10 pages from my upcoming comedy novel: "God Bless Cambodia." 

My novel, available April 2017, offers an unflinching look at how many really feel about sex, love, marriage, and paying for a hand job. Content warnings for adult situations, adult language, and more adult situations.

Prostitution for Dummies; Eat at a Street Stall

Prostitution for Dummies

 On this page:

1) One night in Hoi An (blog entry about meeting a guy who knew about bar girls)

2) Tips for finding naughty girls in Southeast Asia

3) Links to other sites and pages with info on finding party girls around the world.

4) Original short stories about bad girls (from my novel)

5) Sign up box for my e-mail newsletter for men looking for naughtiness overseas.

6) Tips on eating at a food stall. (You will have munchies, later on)

 

1) One Night in Hoi An

On Thursday night, I found a seedy little noodle stall with a bunch of Westerners eating.

I grabbed a seat and started talking to the guy at the next table. He was French and spoke no English. We'll call him Joe. Over the next hour, we spoke in French and I learned the following:


- Joe is 49 years old and has had about five careers. He recently went back to school and got a degree in social work and now works at a home for troubled kids.
- He has two grown children but never married.
- His life philosophy: he doesn't like to read or watch TV because these are all someone else's interpretation of life. He likes to experience things first hand with his mind (points to his head), his heart (points to his heart), with his passions (points to his crotch.) He also considered himself an anarchist because he hated politics.
- He periodically gives elderly street peddlers 1 million Vietnames Dong, about $63, about a month's salary for many in Vietnam.

After eating, we hopped on his moped to check out some bars. At our first stop, we drank and the conversation turned to every guy's favorite topic in South East Asia: prostitutes. He was generous with his advice and I found it worth sharing.

2) Tip of the Day: How to Find a Prostitute in Hoi An, Vietnam

1) A lot of the hair salons offer massage. (I had noticed this and thought it was a strange combination of offerings. But I'm just a bumpkin from Boston, what do I know). Often the masseuse will rub more than your back.

2) If you are getting a massage and want more, attempt to massage the masseuse. If she starts talking money, you're in. If she slaps your face or calls the police, you're probably out of luck.

3) Don't hire several girls at a time because one of them may grab your wallet while you're occupied with another one.

Related Tip: Talking Vietnamese, Lesson #1

When approached by a friendly moped driver at 2:00 am you may hear the phrase:
"Laddie, Laddie, boom-boom?"

Translation: "Excuse me Mr. Filthy Rich Caucasion, would you like to meet a girl who makes friends easily?"

If you are not interested, here is the proper response:
"No boom-boom suc-suc."

Translation: "Thank you for your generous offer Mr. Ho' Man. I'm sure your sister is a very nice girl, but I already have venereal disease."

 

3) Info about prostitution in Asia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Phnom Penh.

- Profiles of Western Sex Tourists in Asia
- Phnom Penh Nightlife
- One Day at the Massage Parlor
- Saigon: Traffic, Hookers, War Propaganda
- Useful information on sex tourism

 

4) Naughty Short Stories/Videos about Wild Girls

- An online date in the U.S. that went a little too right.

- Preparing for a trip to Asia and the Curious Finger Body Spa.

-  A girlfriend experience with a Phnom Penh hooker.

 

 

 

5) Click to read more naughty stuff for free, including the first 10 pages of my upcoming comedy novel: "God Bless Cambodia." 

My novel, available now, offers an unflinching look at how many really feel about sex, love, marriage, and paying for a hand job. Content warnings for adult situations, adult language, and more adult situations.

 

 

6) More Night-Time Tips: How To Eat At A Seedy Street Stall

1) Ask the price before sitting down. Once you sit down, you are committed. The price should be between 10,000 and 15,000 Dong for food and about the same for a beer. (15,000 Dong = a little less than $1)

2) Remember: those squares of scrap paper impaled on a long nail in the middle of the table are not Post-It notes, they are napkins.

3) Take a napkin and wipe your chopsticks and spoon thoroughly.

4) When you're bowl of food arrives, let your utensils soak in the hot food. The heat should help disinfect them.

5) Add every ingredient on the table to your food: hot peppers, garlic in oil, etc. Squeeze in the juice of a lime section, if they served you one. Stir and eat.

Lifestyle of the Vietnamese:
The researchers at RandysTravel have conducted informal interviews with locals in Hoi An. Here's more or less how things work:

1) Average monthly salary: $80 to $500.
2) Some people work multiple jobs (It is not uncommon to have night watchmen at a hotel sleeping in a small bed. I'm guessing they also work a day job)
3) People count on their families to take care of them in old age. If an elderly person has no family, they are out of luck.
4) Women live at home until they get married. She is not allowed to sleep over at a boyfriend's house until they are married. When she marries she moves out and in with the man, who continues living under his parents' roof. Most women are married in their early twenties.
5) You don't marry one person, you marry the entire family.
6) In Hoi An, many people have never left the town because it is too expensive for them to travel.