Professional Update/Upcoming Comedy Performances

Dear All,
 
My apologies in advance to anyone who has already seen this on Facebook or elsewhere. But once again, I would love a little help spreading the word about my upcoming performances.
 
I) Executive Summary: What I'm Up To
 
- Polishing a novel, The Loneliest Planet, which I've been writing for the last six years. The manuscript will go to agents and publishers in early 2015 (I swear!)
 
- Lecturing about online marketing for writers at colleges and adult education centers around Boston.
 
- My one-man show, The Chronic Single's Handbook, will be featured at theater festivals in Orlando, FL; Atlanta; and Edinburgh, Scotland; this spring and summer.
 
 
II) Pleading and Groveling
 
Can you help me get the word out about my upcoming shows?
 
- Mention to people you know who might go, post on Twitter, Facebook, etc. (Sample Tweets and links below. Also, I inserted my online flyer and link at the end of this note.)
 
- I'm happy to reciprocate and share your events or news on Twitter, Facebook, etc.
 
Sample Tweet:

A friend performs his show Chronic Single's Handbook: FL (5/14-24) Atlanta (6/5-8) Edinburgh (8/1-16) Go or RT http://www.chronicsingle.com/2014/04/the-chronic-singles-handbook-shows-for.html
 
Sample Facebook Post:
 
A friend will perform his one-man comedy play, The Chronic Single's Handbook, in Orlando, FL (5/14-24) Atlanta (6/5-8) Edinburgh, Scotland (8/1-16). The play is about a never-married guy who takes a trip around the world looking for the woman of his dreams. Please go or share. http://www.chronicsingle.com/2014/04/the-chronic-singles-handbook-shows-for.html
 
III) More Detail Than You Want
 
1) Here are some links to youtubes of me performing two scenes from a December performance in Boston. For the upcoming theater festivals, I'll have props but no mic, which means I'll be able to move around the stage.
 
- Opening scene:
"Chronically single? You've got lots of company"
Content warning for adults situations, black tongues, sadistic medical professionals.
http://youtu.be/zuzpRPWGg_c

- "One Day in Thailand"
Lady boys, tuk-tuk scammers, and the day I was almost gay.
http://youtu.be/p8AF_xhXctg

 
IV) Online flyer for the show
 
The link: http://www.chronicsingle.com/2014/04/the-chronic-singles-handbook-shows-for.html
 
The actual flyer:

"The Chronic Single's Handbook": Shows for 2014

The Chronic Single's Handbook: One man's global search for love

A solo performance inspired by actual events  
featuring Randy Ross 
 


 
Exotic Locales

Pepto-Bismol

A body-spa named The Curious Finger.



Early praise for The Chronic Single's Handbook:
 
"Hysterical, side-splitting, profound, a tour-de-force of droll insight. One of the year's best."
-- Randy Ross, writer/performer, The Chronic Single's Handbook
 
"The balance on your credit card is overdue. Please remit immediately."
-- Bank of West Boston



Upcoming Shows (all shows last one hour)

1) May 14-24 Orlando International Fringe theater festival

Dates/times
- Wed, May 14 (11:30 pm)
- Fri, May 16 (9:00 pm)
- Sat, May 17 (4:20 pm)
- Wed, May 21 (10:30 pm)
- Sat, May 24 (3:15 pm)

Location
Red Venue, Lowndes Shakespeare Center
812 E Rollins
Orlando, FL 32803
Directions

Tickets, more information.
- Cost: $12, plus one-time $9 fee for a festival entry button, which is required to see any show at the festival (sorry).

Sample show program


2) June 5-8 Atlanta Fringe theater festival


Dates/times
- Thurs, June 5 (8:00 pm)
- Fri, June 6 (11:00 pm)
- Sat, June 7, two shows (5:00 pm and 9:30 pm)
- Sun, June 8, (2:00 pm)

Location
Highland Inn Ballroom Lounge
644 N. Highland Ave.
Atlanta, GA 30306
Directions

Tickets, more information 
(tickets and prices available in May (should be $10 to $15. In addition to tickets, you will need to buy at $3 festival entry button.)

Sample show program

3) August 1-16 Edinburgh Festival Fringe theater festival

Dates/times (all shows start at 7:05 pm or 19:05 using local 24-hour time)
- Mon-Sat, Aug 4-9
- Mon-Sat, Aug 11-16

Location
theSpace @ Surgeon's Hall
Nicholson Street, EH8 9DW
Edinburgh, Scotland
Directions


Tickets, more information 
(tickets are 8 British Pounds, or about $12; there may be other fees)

Sample show program


4) Boston-Area Appearances

Dates/times
- May 1, with Judah Leblang at Somerville Public Library (details)
- Events calendar with more listings.



5) Watch Videos Excerpts from Recent Performances

 - Opening scene: "Chronically single? You've got lots of company"
Content warning for adults situations, black tongues, sadistic medical professionals.

- "The Day I Was Almost Gay"
Content warning for prescription drug abuse, gooey sunburns, and men kissing on the lips.
 


Thanks again!

--rr

The Bitter Single's Guide to Valentine's Day (aka Single's Humiliation Day.)

The medical staff at The Loneliest Planet has assembled the following guide to get you through the night.

1) Nourishment: Pint of Ben and Jerry's or a pint of Jack Daniels.

2) Fiscal Aversion Therapy:

- Cost of an engagement ring: $4,600
- Cost of a wedding: $27,000
- Cost of raising a child to 18 (not including college) $227,000
- Cost of a divorce: $8,000 to $133,000 (fees for lawyers and accountants for a contested divorce that goes to trial.)
- Intangibles costs: Average weight gain for men and women after five years of marriage: 6 to 9 pounds.
*Note on Sources: Sketchy at best; I grabbed first semi-reasonable results from Google.

3) Cognitive Therapy:

a) Light Reading: "The John and Lorena Bobbit Story"
Heart-warming tale of boy meets girl, boy abuses girl, girl cuts of boy's penis and throws it out the window of a speeding car, boy becomes a porn star.
b) Movies:
- War of the Roses: Still want to get married?
- Fatal Attraction: Think your last girlfriend was a drama queen?
- Caligula: Think your last boyfriend was a jerk?

4) Self-Improvement

a) Personality Test: Are you marriage material?
b) One man's pathetic story that will no doubt make you feel better about your situation: "Why I'm Over Forty and Still Single"

tags: Valentine's day singles, valentines day singles, singles humiliation day, singles awareness day, single's awareness day.

"The Day I Was Almost Gay"

This was recorded live in February 2012 at Club Passim in Cambridge, MA.

Content warnings for prescription drug abuse and men kissing on the lips. Also, animals may have been harmed making this video.

For more naughty humor and humorous erotica, see:

"BDSM for Dummies"
"The Online Date that Went a Little too Right." 

Here's what the critics had to say about "BDSM for Dummies":
"Offensive."
"Pathetic."
"Is this some kind of cry for help?"

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The Online Date that Went a Little too Well

A little erotic humor, humorous erotica.


(Recorded live at the Somerville Library in Massachusetts
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For more live performances:
- The Day I Almost Became Gay
- Why I’m Over 40 and Still Single



Similar stories can be found under labels for funny sex, vibrator, what men want in women, online dating.

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Find Your Match: The 5 Romantic Personalities

A Dating Personality Quiz: How to Find Love

1) Martyrs
- Feel everything intensely, especially love, rejection, and Red Sox playoff losses.
- Claim to know what they want in a mate; say smug things like "I won't settle."
- Spend most Saturday nights alone.
- Cry at crapola love stories like The Bridges of Madison County.
- Capable of great happiness when involved and great bitterness when single.
- Examples: Jackson Browne, Vincent Van Gogh, Billie Joe McAllister.
- Favorite quote: "My heart is your piñata."

2) Settlers
- Martyrs who marry suddenly because of an external event like a scary health problem, a milestone birthday, or an aging parent who wants to see them hooked up.
- Husbands are often happy with this arrangement. -Wives often seek divorce after children leave for college. - Examples: Too many to list.
- Favorite quote: "I'll have the baked chicken, no skin, butter, salt, oil, or bread crumbs. And a glass of water with no ice."

3) Mercenaries
- Approach love as if it were just another transaction, to-do item, or mission.
- Emotionally detached with flat, even moods.
- Tend to be content instead of happy.
- Examples: Ted Bundy, Dirty Harry, Angelina Jolie.
- Favorite quote: "Kill them all and let God sort them out."

4) Bonders
- Born with good brain chemistry.
- Can connect with most anyone and be happy in most situations.
- Are good as friends, but boring as lovers.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
- Examples: Anyone married for more than three years.
- Favorite quote: "Let a smile be your umbrella on a rainy day."

5) Barnacles
- Don’t have the stomach for dating.
- Always in a relationship.
- A bad choice for spouseless vacations because without a partner they glom on to you.
- Examples: Zsa Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor, Mickey Rooney, and other people married at least eight times.
- Favorite quote: "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."

For a more probing look into your psyche, see "Are You Marriage Material?"

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Clitter-Clatter (Erotic Humor, Humorous Erotica)

For audio version click play button below. To view a video version, click here.



For more erotic humor or humorous erotica, see:
"The Nurse"
"The Day I Almost Became Gay"

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Self Test #1: Are You Marriage Material?

Will you spend your life alone? 

I) Give yourself one point for each item that applies.

1) You can tolerate boredom:

- After sex
- After lithium
- Fuck you.

2) Nesting instincts:

- I have no furniture.
- I have college furniture.
- I once went to Crate and Barrel for a free wine and cheese reception.

3) Your girflfriend asks you to get a video for her preschool daughter's birthday party. You choose:

- Borat
- Death Wish
- Last Tango in Paris

4) You miss your ex most when:

- Eating alone
- Watching a movie alone
- Paying the mortgage alone

5) If a significant other says "no" to sex, you:

- Take her to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Take her college-aged daughter to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.

6) Last relationship failed because:

- You forgot her birthday.
- You forgot her phone number.
- You forgot her name.

7) It's your anniversary and she is expecting something special, so you:

- Go drinking with the boys
- Go skiing with the boys
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.

8) How well do you understand women?

- When a woman says "no," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "let go of my throat, you're hurting me," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "get out now or I'm calling the police," she
means "feel my breasts."

II) Scoring

- One to three: Clueless
- Three to six: Hopeless
- Six or more: Dangerous

Enjoy this quiz? Consider "The Loneliest Planet: The Handbook for the Chronically Single" ($8 print, $1.00 PDF)

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The Day I Almost Became Gay (erotic humor, humorous erotica)

For more erotic humor or humorous erotica, see:
"The Online Date That Went a Little Too Right"
"The Nurse"

Trip to Revelstoke, B.C.

1) Leaving Boston:
The slippery cab driver and the Delta surprise.

2) Still Leaving Boston:
Who said Canadians are nice?

3) A Dear Greyhound Letter:
A six-hour trans-Canada bus ride, frisked by a frisky woman with short hair and big biceps.

4) Scoring Weed, Dead Skiers,
and the Ski Hill with 5,620 feet of Vertical.

5) The North Bowl,
The Hound, Rods and Guns.

6) Local Talent:
"Will you marry me," I asked after my second double.

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Dream woman on a Greek Ferry Part II

To view Part I (video)

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Romance on a Greek Ferry: Part 1

A crazy Russian with a good throwing arm. Part 1
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For Part II click here (audio file)

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