Covid Query Process for a New Novel

 

On the Publishing Roller Coaster -- again

 

My second novel is almost done so I'm preparing to query agents and then, if I have no takers, small presses. The small press that published my first novel, God Bless Cambodia, has first right of refusal on the new novel but in light of my less-than-stellar sales (about 400 copies), it might refuse.

To prepare for the worst case, I attended a recent writing conference  and paid $200 a pop to two agents who read my query letter, synopsis, and first twenty pages.

Worth noting:  

- Of the 65 agents at the conference, all but two said they were looking for books by featuring LGBTQ and BIPOC (black, indigenous, people of color) authors/themese.

- most were young white women

- five were men

(Full disclosure: I am a whiny, middle-aged white guy and my books feature a narrator who is a whiny, middle-aged white guy. Oy, vey)

 

 

I met with the two agents who seemed more open to books from authors who look like me. One was a young Asian woman and the other was a guy about my age. 

 

What the Agents Said

 

Neither agent found my material offensive but both agreed that my odds of finding an agent and a big publisher were slim because of my genre: absurdist, raunchy, comedy featuring white guys behaving badly – a genre that used to be known as "laddie lit." The book is a heterosexual love story and the female love interest is an Asian woman – since I am not an Asian woman, publishers might ding me for cultural appropriation. 

Both agents empathized with my book being out of sync with the times and one expressed concern for their existing author clients who were middle-aged white guys and having a difficult time finding publishers. Despite Covid, publishers are still acquiring books, the agents said.

One agent was OK with the query letter, said they never read synopses, and thought the opening of the book and the first twenty pages were fine.

The other agent loved my query letter, didn't like the opening scene of my book, and suggested I boost my social media presence from my current 10,000 followers on Twitter, Facebook, Linked In, Youtube, etc. to 60,000 followers.  (I always thought that social media was not important for fiction writers but I am going to follow this agent's advice.)

Note: To promote my first book, I created and attended events where I read scenes and performed two one-man shows about the book at amateur theater festivals, libraries, and other venues (link to calendar). Due to Covid, all my events during the last year have been virtual – this has been a poor way to sell books. When I was doing in-person events, people occasionally bought books. Hopefully, this will change by this fall when I can go live again.

Another note: I had no previous theater training but took acting classes and hired a theater director. My acting isn't great -- but I'm what's known as a story-teller: my material is memorized, has a story arc, and I tell the story (scenes from my book) with minimal acting. 

 

Here's a sample (yeah, you could probably do this)

 

My Book Marketing To Do List

1) I revamped my website using one of these template. The idea was to simplify the home page and add more images.

2) I am brushing up on my social media by following the advice of book marketing experts like Fauzia Burke,  Jane Friedman and others. Future posts will describe those efforts and what's working and what's not. I am also sharpening my skills with tools designed to make managing social media easier such as:

- Hootsuite: let's preschedule posts to appear on multiple platforms. Last Saturday, I scheduled a week's worth of posts to Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

- iunfollow – to jettison people I'm following who are not following back. If you're following more people than follow you, you can be perceived as a social media loser.

3) My Social Media Accounts

a) On Twitter: I have two accounts:

- @rsquaredd (currently have 6,021 followers) for professional posts about publishing and for following industry news, libraries, and agents.

- @chronicsingle (currently 1,283 followers) for raunchy comedy and edgier fare. I am attempting to woo fans of authors/comedians with work similar to mine: Curb your enthusiasm, single life, fringe theater festivals. I also need post using hashtags they use.

b) Facebook: I have a personal page (3,230 friends) and an author/performer page (1,843) I will likely post personal and raunchy comedy stuff on the pages

c) Instagram (53 followers) I have a professional page to which I am posting comedy stuff – photos with captions.

 d) Linked In (3,030 Connections) for posting publishing and professional stuff. I haven't done much with this in years but may start. 

c) Youtube (16 subscribers) I've posted probably 40 videos over the last eight years. I am a Youtube loser but the videos do generate some traffic for my website.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Prostitution for Dummies; Eat at a Street Stall

Prostitution for Dummies

 On this page:

1) One night in Hoi An (blog entry about meeting a guy who knew about bar girls)

2) Tips for finding naughty girls in Southeast Asia

3) Links to other sites and pages with info on finding party girls around the world.

4) Original short stories about bad girls (from my novel)

5) Sign up box for my e-mail newsletter for men looking for naughtiness overseas.

6) Tips on eating at a food stall. (You will have munchies, later on)

 

1) One Night in Hoi An

On Thursday night, I found a seedy little noodle stall with a bunch of Westerners eating.

I grabbed a seat and started talking to the guy at the next table. He was French and spoke no English. We'll call him Joe. Over the next hour, we spoke in French and I learned the following:


- Joe is 49 years old and has had about five careers. He recently went back to school and got a degree in social work and now works at a home for troubled kids.
- He has two grown children but never married.
- His life philosophy: he doesn't like to read or watch TV because these are all someone else's interpretation of life. He likes to experience things first hand with his mind (points to his head), his heart (points to his heart), with his passions (points to his crotch.) He also considered himself an anarchist because he hated politics.
- He periodically gives elderly street peddlers 1 million Vietnames Dong, about $63, about a month's salary for many in Vietnam.

After eating, we hopped on his moped to check out some bars. At our first stop, we drank and the conversation turned to every guy's favorite topic in South East Asia: prostitutes. He was generous with his advice and I found it worth sharing.

2) Tip of the Day: How to Find a Prostitute in Hoi An, Vietnam

1) A lot of the hair salons offer massage. (I had noticed this and thought it was a strange combination of offerings. But I'm just a bumpkin from Boston, what do I know). Often the masseuse will rub more than your back.

2) If you are getting a massage and want more, attempt to massage the masseuse. If she starts talking money, you're in. If she slaps your face or calls the police, you're probably out of luck.

3) Don't hire several girls at a time because one of them may grab your wallet while you're occupied with another one.

Related Tip: Talking Vietnamese, Lesson #1

When approached by a friendly moped driver at 2:00 am you may hear the phrase:
"Laddie, Laddie, boom-boom?"

Translation: "Excuse me Mr. Filthy Rich Caucasion, would you like to meet a girl who makes friends easily?"

If you are not interested, here is the proper response:
"No boom-boom suc-suc."

Translation: "Thank you for your generous offer Mr. Ho' Man. I'm sure your sister is a very nice girl, but I already have venereal disease."

 

3) Info about prostitution in Asia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Phnom Penh.

- Profiles of Western Sex Tourists in Asia
- Phnom Penh Nightlife
- One Day at the Massage Parlor
- Saigon: Traffic, Hookers, War Propaganda
- Useful information on sex tourism

 

4) Naughty Short Stories/Videos about Wild Girls

- An online date in the U.S. that went a little too right.

- Preparing for a trip to Asia and the Curious Finger Body Spa.

-  A girlfriend experience with a Phnom Penh hooker.

 

 

 

5) Click to read more naughty stuff for free, including the first 10 pages of my upcoming comedy novel: "God Bless Cambodia." 

My novel, available now, offers an unflinching look at how many really feel about sex, love, marriage, and paying for a hand job. Content warnings for adult situations, adult language, and more adult situations.

 

 

6) More Night-Time Tips: How To Eat At A Seedy Street Stall

1) Ask the price before sitting down. Once you sit down, you are committed. The price should be between 10,000 and 15,000 Dong for food and about the same for a beer. (15,000 Dong = a little less than $1)

2) Remember: those squares of scrap paper impaled on a long nail in the middle of the table are not Post-It notes, they are napkins.

3) Take a napkin and wipe your chopsticks and spoon thoroughly.

4) When you're bowl of food arrives, let your utensils soak in the hot food. The heat should help disinfect them.

5) Add every ingredient on the table to your food: hot peppers, garlic in oil, etc. Squeeze in the juice of a lime section, if they served you one. Stir and eat.

Lifestyle of the Vietnamese:
The researchers at RandysTravel have conducted informal interviews with locals in Hoi An. Here's more or less how things work:

1) Average monthly salary: $80 to $500.
2) Some people work multiple jobs (It is not uncommon to have night watchmen at a hotel sleeping in a small bed. I'm guessing they also work a day job)
3) People count on their families to take care of them in old age. If an elderly person has no family, they are out of luck.
4) Women live at home until they get married. She is not allowed to sleep over at a boyfriend's house until they are married. When she marries she moves out and in with the man, who continues living under his parents' roof. Most women are married in their early twenties.
5) You don't marry one person, you marry the entire family.
6) In Hoi An, many people have never left the town because it is too expensive for them to travel.