Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Nurse (Bar Girls, Asian Massage Fiction)

Erotic Fiction about an encounter with a bar girl in a Phnom Penh.

(Content warning: political incorrectness, suspicious Asian massage, and over tipping.)





For more live performances, funny sex dating gone wrong stories:
- The Day I Almost Became Gay
- Why I’m Over 40 and Still Single

Labels for other similar blog entries: international sex, sexy massage, prostitute sex, and happy ending.



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Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Online Date that Went a Little too Well

A little erotic humor, humorous erotica.


(Recorded live at the Somerville Library in Massachusetts
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For more live performances:
- The Day I Almost Became Gay
- Why I’m Over 40 and Still Single



Similar stories can be found under labels for funny sex, vibrator, what men want in women, online dating.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Day I Almost Became Gay (erotic humor, humorous erotica)

<<For a more current video version of this story -- one in which author isn't wearing a hand cast -- click here. >>





(Another funny sex story recorded live at the Somerville Public Library)
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For another funny sex story, check out:

"BDSM for Dummies"

Here's what the critics had to say about "BDSM for Dummies":
"Offensive."
"Pathetic."
"Is this some kind of cry for help?"

BDSM for Dummies

(recorded live at the Somerville Public Library)

Content warnings: faux Quaaludes, flying panties, misplaced rug lint




More stories:
- The Day I Almost Became Gay
- The Online Date that Went a Little too Well
- Quiz: Are you marriage material?

For similar stories see tags for erotic humor, humorous erotica

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Monday, August 22, 2011

Thursday, July 14, 2011

What to Expect from Friends in Middle Age

(Excerpt from The Handbook for the Chronically Single)


Under Forty-Five Years Old:

- Purpose of friends: Wingmen, counsel, placeholders for a girlfriend.

- Contact frequency: Daily.

- Mode of contact: Face-to-face or phone.

- Amount of time you can tolerate them: Unlimited.

- Would you loan them money? "If I had any."

- Would you help them move? "No brainer."

- Shared interests: pussy, bench presses, tits, squats, chicken wings, funny beer commercials, getting hard at the wrong time, midgets, PMS, Rogaine, Chuck Palahniuk, sleeping late.

Over Forty-Five Years Old:

- Purpose of friends: Counsel, wingmen, business connections.

- Contact frequency: Monthly.

- Mode of contact: Texting, E-mail, voice-mail, occasional face-to-face.

- Amount of time you can tolerate them: Three hours.

- Would you loan them money? "Depends on their credit score."

- Would you help this person move? "With my back, are you kidding me?"

- Shared interests: Menopause, rotator cuffs, kvetching, Achilles tendons, low-carb diets, whining, interest rates, getting soft at the wrong time, reading glasses, griping, ponderous biographies, sleeping pills.

For more "Bitter Singles,"articles see

- Self Test #1: Are You Marriage Material?

- Find Your Match: The 5 Romantic Personalities



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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Close Encounter on a 747

or How Not to Join the Mile-High Club




For more travel stories, see:
- Unemployed writer vs. most annoying hotel clerk in Greece
- How to Lose it in Bangkok
- Rats, Plague, and Burritos: Another Day in Nha Trang, Vietnam

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Nurse (erotic humor, humorous erotica)

Original Erotic Humor: NC-17
(This is a reworked scene from novel I'm finishing. The novel is about a never-married hypochondriac who takes a trip around the world hoping to change his luck with love.)


For more erotic humor or humorous erotica, see:
"The Online Date That Went a Little Too Right"
"The Day I Almost Became Gay"

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Find Your Match: The 5 Romantic Personalities

A Dating Personality Quiz: How to Find Love

1) Martyrs
- Feel everything intensely, especially love, rejection, and Red Sox playoff losses.
- Claim to know what they want in a mate; say smug things like "I won't settle."
- Spend most Saturday nights alone.
- Cry at crapola love stories like The Bridges of Madison County.
- Capable of great happiness when involved and great bitterness when single.
- Examples: Jackson Browne, Vincent Van Gogh, Billie Joe McAllister.
- Favorite quote: "My heart is your piƱata."

2) Settlers
- Martyrs who marry suddenly because of an external event like a scary health problem, a milestone birthday, or an aging parent who wants to see them hooked up.
- Husbands are often happy with this arrangement. -Wives often seek divorce after children leave for college. - Examples: Too many to list.
- Favorite quote: "I'll have the baked chicken, no skin, butter, salt, oil, or bread crumbs. And a glass of water with no ice."

3) Mercenaries
- Approach love as if it were just another transaction, to-do item, or mission.
- Emotionally detached with flat, even moods.
- Tend to be content instead of happy.
- Examples: Ted Bundy, Dirty Harry, Angelina Jolie.
- Favorite quote: "Kill them all and let God sort them out."

4) Bonders
- Born with good brain chemistry.
- Can connect with most anyone and be happy in most situations.
- Are good as friends, but boring as lovers.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
- Examples: Anyone married for more than three years.
- Favorite quote: "Let a smile be your umbrella on a rainy day."

5) Barnacles
- Don’t have the stomach for dating.
- Always in a relationship.
- A bad choice for spouseless vacations because without a partner they glom on to you.
- Examples: Zsa Zsa Gabor, Elizabeth Taylor, Mickey Rooney, and other people married at least eight times.
- Favorite quote: "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."

For a more probing look into your psyche, see "Are You Marriage Material?"

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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Clitter-Clatter (Erotic Humor, Humorous Erotica)

For audio version click play button below. To view a video version, click here.



For more erotic humor or humorous erotica, see:
"The Nurse"
"The Day I Almost Became Gay"

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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Self Test #1: Are You Marriage Material?

Will you spend your life alone? 

I) Give yourself one point for each item that applies.

1) You can tolerate boredom:

- After sex
- After lithium
- Fuck you.

2) Nesting instincts:

- I have no furniture.
- I have college furniture.
- I once went to Crate and Barrel for a free wine and cheese reception.

3) Your girflfriend asks you to get a video for her preschool daughter's birthday party. You choose:

- Borat
- Death Wish
- Last Tango in Paris

4) You miss your ex most when:

- Eating alone
- Watching a movie alone
- Paying the mortgage alone

5) If a significant other says "no" to sex, you:

- Take her to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Take her college-aged daughter to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.

6) Last relationship failed because:

- You forgot her birthday.
- You forgot her phone number.
- You forgot her name.

7) It's your anniversary and she is expecting something special, so you:

- Go drinking with the boys
- Go skiing with the boys
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.

8) How well do you understand women?

- When a woman says "no," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "let go of my throat, you're hurting me," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "get out now or I'm calling the police," she
means "feel my breasts."

II) Scoring

- One to three: Clueless
- Three to six: Hopeless
- Six or more: Dangerous

Enjoy this quiz? Consider "The Loneliest Planet: The Handbook for the Chronically Single" ($8 print, $1.00 PDF)

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Saturday, March 19, 2011

Trip to Revelstoke, B.C.

1) Leaving Boston:
The slippery cab driver and the Delta surprise.

2) Still Leaving Boston:
Who said Canadians are nice?

3) A Dear Greyhound Letter:
A six-hour trans-Canada bus ride, frisked by a frisky woman with short hair and big biceps.

4) Scoring Weed, Dead Skiers,
and the Ski Hill with 5,620 feet of Vertical.

5) The North Bowl,
The Hound, Rods and Guns.

6) Local Talent:
"Will you marry me," I asked after my second double.


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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Dream woman on a Greek Ferry Part II



To view Part I (video)

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