International travel for those who hate travel, neurotic attempts to find love, NC-17 erotica and erotic humor, useless dating advice, and lots of bad book marketing tips for writers.
I) Give yourself one point for each item that applies.
1) You can tolerate boredom:
- After sex
- After lithium
- Fuck you.
2) Nesting instincts:
- I have no furniture.
- I have college furniture.
- I once went to Crate and Barrel for a free wine and cheese reception.
3) Your girflfriend asks you to get a video for her preschool daughter's birthday party. You choose:
- Borat
- Death Wish
- Last Tango in Paris
4) You miss your ex most when:
- Eating alone
- Watching a movie alone
- Paying the mortgage alone
5) If a significant other says "no" to sex, you:
- Take her to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Take her college-aged daughter to her favorite restaurant because she's probably having a difficult week.
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.
6) Last relationship failed because:
- You forgot her birthday.
- You forgot her phone number.
- You forgot her name.
7) It's your anniversary and she is expecting something special, so you:
- Go drinking with the boys
- Go skiing with the boys
- Visit Yvonne, the double-jointed masseuse.
8) How well do you understand women?
- When a woman says "no," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "let go of my throat, you're hurting me," she means "feel my breasts."
- When a woman says "get out now or I'm calling the police," she
means "feel my breasts."
II) Scoring
- One to three: Clueless
- Three to six: Hopeless
- Six or more: Dangerous
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