I'm still stuck in this overpriced, shopping center by the sea and my moods are slipping faster than you can say "which way to men's intimate apparel."
Here are the signs of clinical depression that are starting to grip me:
1) Sleep disturbances:
I'm going to bed at around 1:00 am, waking at 5:00 am, going back to sleep till 1:00 pm. I'm angering the housekeeping staff who keep leaving nasty notes like:
"We attempted to clean your room, but couldn't because:"
Then they have a standardized list of reasons they couldn't clean, including:
"The do not disturb sign was on your door at 1:00 pm. We don't care if you're an alcoholic, or clinically depressed, or on your honeymoon, we just want to clean the room and go home."
2) Murderous Thoughts:
A teeny-bopper was whipping down the sidewalk on his skateboard. As he got close to me he raised his hand for a high five. I knew he was taunting me for being old and out of touch (I know the sign for a high five, you little wanker.). I wanted to push him off his board and into oncoming traffic. (I didn't.)
3) No Joy from Usual Pleasurable Activities
Typically, I derive great pleasure from watching obscenely obese people stuff their faces with pizza and donuts while they shop for swimwear. Lately, it's just not doing it for me.
4) Use of Dangerous Mind-Numbing Drugs to Decrease Pain:
On two occasions I turned on the TV in my room.
I usually avoid TV, but last night I watched a show about Australia's All-Time Best Murders. Today, I watched a game show called "Are You As Smart As a Fifth Grader?" (I'm smarter about half the time.)
The worst part about feeling depressed is ruminating on bad thoughts, which just fuels the downward spiral. To combat this, I came up with a list of all the positive things in my life:
1) My mortgage is small
2) I'm looking forward to dinner tonight.
Chin Up Slugger
To stop myself from obsessing on my situation and occupy my mind, I'm generating all kinds of to do lists (hey, it works for me and I'm not harming anyone). My lists include things like:
- things to look forward to in Boston
- which books I'd have a high school class read,
- potential new careers that offer 3 months or more vacation.(I'm open to suggestions on this last one)
- where I'll ski this winter
Unfortunately, like most anti-depressants, creating to do lists can take time to work.