Thursday, November 22, 2007

Best and Worst of Asia

Best Hygiene practice:Most toilets, no matter how gross, had a hand-held sprayer near the toilet for spraying your nether regions. Saves on toilet paper and leaves you feeling fresh and clean.

Best Hotel Value:
Indochine 2, Phnom Penh. Hotel was clean, included a/c and queen-sized bed for $15; $20 if you wanted a window. Hotel is located in a desirable area next to the river.

Best Lobby Decoration:
Half-bald live rate running around in lobby of guest house in Phnom Penh.

Best Name for a city:
Bang Su, Vietnam

Best Lady-Boy Go-Go Dancer:
Boy-who-wishes-his-name-was-Sue at Sok San Palace, Siem Riem, Cambodia. Great breasts on that boy.

Best Eye Sight for a Blind Man:
At bus station in Sihanouk Beach, a beggar stumbling around with a cane, acting as if he was blind. He spotted a dollar bill in front of me and reached down and surreptitiously grabbed it in one smooth motion. Guy probably has the eye-sight of a Peregrine falcon.

Best Street Hustler under 4-feet tall:
Six-year-old street urchin in Phnom Penh for whom I bought a piece of strudel. He likely sold it back to bakery I bought it from and split money with the counter guy working in the store.

Best Breasts on a dog:
Lots of nursing dogs running around Cambodia with large, udderlike breasts hanging from their underside. It's kind of like seeing a 70-year-old woman without a bra --you know it's wrong but you're compelled to look. One dog in particular had a very impressive rack of 6 B-cup-sized breasts. (she wasn't my type; I prefer long-haired breeds)

Best Death-Defying feat on a moped:
Woman who was breast-feeding her child as her driver weaved in and out of traffic during rush hour.

Best Meat-Filled pastry
Pau buns sold on the streets of Saigon. White, slightly sweet pastry was filled with unidentifiable meat and an orange vegetable, i'm guessing was a turnip. Very filling, cost less than $1.50.

Worst Hygience practice
Public urination. I noticed this most in Phnom Penh. On public sidewalks, particularly by the river, you had to watch your step because a mother could be holding her baby son's penis and spraying the pavement, creating a fragrant rivulet of yellow piss. On the side of main roads during rush hour, you could often see grown men, backs to the traffic, urinating by the side of the road.

Worst-Smelling City:
Nha Trang, Vietnam. On typical day, air smelled like a combination of human urine, rotting squid, and smoke from a doused campfire.

Worst Bathroom Set up:
Hotel in Sihanoukville, Cambodia. Bathroom consisted of a squat toilet, large barrel filled with water and a plastic pot for throwing the water either in the toilet to flush it or for throwing on you to shower. (Water was air temperature)