(Excerpt from The Handbook for the Chronically Single)
Under Forty-Five Years Old:
- Purpose of friends: Wingmen, counsel, placeholders for a girlfriend.
- Contact frequency: Daily.
- Mode of contact: Face-to-face or phone.
- Amount of time you can tolerate them: Unlimited.
- Would you loan them money? "If I had any."
- Would you help them move? "No brainer."
- Shared interests: pussy, bench presses, tits, squats, chicken wings, funny beer commercials, getting hard at the wrong time, midgets, PMS, Rogaine, Chuck Palahniuk, sleeping late.
Over Forty-Five Years Old:
- Purpose of friends: Counsel, wingmen, business connections.
- Contact frequency: Monthly.
- Mode of contact: Texting, E-mail, voice-mail, occasional face-to-face.
- Amount of time you can tolerate them: Three hours.
- Would you loan them money? "Depends on their credit score."
- Would you help this person move? "With my back, are you kidding me?"
- Shared interests: Menopause, rotator cuffs, kvetching, Achilles tendons, low-carb diets, whining, interest rates, getting soft at the wrong time, reading glasses, griping, ponderous biographies, sleeping pills.
For more "Bitter Singles,"articles see
- Self Test #1: Are You Marriage Material?
- Find Your Match: The 5 Romantic Personalities
Under Forty-Five Years Old:
- Purpose of friends: Wingmen, counsel, placeholders for a girlfriend.
- Contact frequency: Daily.
- Mode of contact: Face-to-face or phone.
- Amount of time you can tolerate them: Unlimited.
- Would you loan them money? "If I had any."
- Would you help them move? "No brainer."
- Shared interests: pussy, bench presses, tits, squats, chicken wings, funny beer commercials, getting hard at the wrong time, midgets, PMS, Rogaine, Chuck Palahniuk, sleeping late.
Over Forty-Five Years Old:
- Purpose of friends: Counsel, wingmen, business connections.
- Contact frequency: Monthly.
- Mode of contact: Texting, E-mail, voice-mail, occasional face-to-face.
- Amount of time you can tolerate them: Three hours.
- Would you loan them money? "Depends on their credit score."
- Would you help this person move? "With my back, are you kidding me?"
- Shared interests: Menopause, rotator cuffs, kvetching, Achilles tendons, low-carb diets, whining, interest rates, getting soft at the wrong time, reading glasses, griping, ponderous biographies, sleeping pills.
For more "Bitter Singles,"articles see
- Self Test #1: Are You Marriage Material?
- Find Your Match: The 5 Romantic Personalities